thorns all its own
deep, dark, and still bleeding
your heart is as broken as mine
trust me to cherish

a mistake is that which can
draw close or destroy a friendship
your choice, it is always your choice

bleeding i stand here,
waiting upon your heart
for just one more chance
one more hope

i stand and wait upon hopes new wings
or am i a fool
to think i was anything to you ever

Goodbye Cruel world goodbye and good night till next time

My heart is bleeding, I wish I could make it stop. I finally got to know someone, let them past my walls and then she stabbed me. and every so often its like she enjoys twisting the knife.

I know I know she’s going through alot and she’s prolly scared and doesnt even realize how much shit she’s putting me through and honestly if she came back and apologized for this i’d be good and happy. or even if she came back and we could settle this friendship properly i’d still be content

But alas no…. My life is unable to do this. I cant go on like this. I ask God for one good reason not to put it away. Cuz I’m tired of this. I really tried. I really don’t want to give this up but I’m bloody hell tired of my heart getting shredded every time some one other than God is involved with it.

Aww bloody hell. FTS. i’m going to bed

Tell me what you think

Breath in my body
life in my lungs
you alone sustain me

you alone captivate me
capture my heart oh lord
woo me into your presence

in your presence i bask
in your glory i dwell
you dwell within my heart

change my heart
change me
transform everything of me

shower me with
your grace
your mercy
your love
your light

Now to put these ideas and words into action, ahh tbe beauty of fixing interpersonal problems. wish me luck ladies and gents

Chrome
Firefox
Digsby
Thunderbird
iTunes
VLC
K-Lite Codecs
Gimp
IrfanView
OpenOffice
Foxit Reader
AVG
Flash
Flash (IE)
Java
.Net
Silverlight
Dropbox
KeePass
ImgBurn
CCleaner
Defraggler
Revo
Launchy
7-Zip
WinRAR
FileZilla
Notepad++
Putty

Tagline: No toolbars or junk. No clicking Next. Just the apps you want, fast.

This is one the of the best items I found in a while. No sign up required — Works on Win7, Vista, or XP. Utilizes IE to download files in bg

http://ninite.com/installer/33018a2c530f9f1f88af336d1fe34e8e55dea7a3

I think my thoughts on it previously were mostly bittersweet. I understood I couldnt afford to forget but it was also too painful to think about it. so i pushed it to that far corner of my mind and didnt think about it.

Well now I realize that was NOT a good idea. lol. imagine that. The one thing I wrote down was this “The pain and sorrow of Remembrance is necessary and healing”
Now to most people this may be perfecly normal but to me its kinda new. My memory tends to block a lot of things and throws out important markers or buries them or various other things. Trust me its not fun. But for me to remember something is important but also especially if its painful. So thinking back on memories of a friend and the time spent together is good and pleasing but it has been tainted by what happened afterwards and how it could have been avoided by communication. the fact that it could have been avoided by something simple pains me so much. and so thus i dwell on it and absorb the pain and the sorrow caused by it and let the grief wash over me but it is healing and it ingrains in me the will to not let it happen again. but there is a darker side to it. and that is allowing to wallow in that grief and pain and to swear off all women entirely.

I was about ready to do this and follow the consequences willingly. When as I was telling God my plans and He was trying to convince me not to. A little boy couldnt be older than 5 or 6 walked by and touched my arm and looked at me and said hi. thats it just hi. It touched me so much. It reminded me of my niece and how much fun I have playing with her. And how as much as it hurts i cant allow this to ruin everything and that in spite of current circumstance i will still hold out hope for my friend to be my friend once again. there is that strength in a bond that has stayed together from a lot of crap.

Well thats it for me for today. I’ll post again in a few days prolly. its been interesting

For those that don’t know I moved back to Tucson from Knoxville sp I could be at home when I got my surgery done for my knee. Well I’ve been in town for 7 months and still dont have a steady job. I got fired from Sam Levitz for a massive pile of BS. So if anyone knows of a job opening give me a holler.

I found a awesome church, TACF, (http://tacfaz.org/) I have never felt more alive there. It has awakened in me something I feared I had lost. My warrior calling. It has reminded me of what I am called to.

Here I am. I stand ready to do what I need to.

(P.S. Please pray for my knee and that I have heard God’s voice correctly for His path for me . )

If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If Iget up I might fall back down again
And I might fall back down again
And well just jump and see
Even if its the 20th time
We’ll just jump and see if we can fly

I’m not afraid to fall
And here I told you so
Don’t want to rock the boat
But I just had to know
Just a greener side
Or can I touch the sky
But either way I will try

If I get up I might fall abck down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
and I might fall abck down again
And we’ll just jump and see
Even if its the 30th time
We’ll just jump and see if we can fly

I’m not afraid to fall
I’ve fallen many times
They laughed when I fell down
But I dared to climb
I’m not afraid to fall
I know i’ll fall again
But I can win this in the end

If I get up I might fall back down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
and we’ll just jump and see
Even if its the 40th time
We’ll just jump and see if we can fly

If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall abck down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall down again
And I might fall back down again

This is a quote from Boondock Saints. I think this is fairly accurate however I want it to be noted that I think the better quote would be to go as far as is needed and no further.