Stoney's Blog

newness of life breathed into me
new friendship reawakens the dead
long lost heart brought back to life
nurtured into a beautiful rose

thorns all its own
deep, dark, and still bleeding
your heart is as broken as mine
trust me to cherish

a mistake is that which can
draw close or destroy a friendship
your choice, it is always your choice

bleeding i stand here,
waiting upon your heart
for just one more chance
one more hope

i stand and wait upon hopes new wings
or am i a fool
to think i was anything to you ever

Goodbye Cruel world goodbye and good night till next time

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Beautiful Rose, Fool, Goodbye Cruel World, Lost Heart, Mistake, New Friendship, New Wings, Newness Of Life, Poem, Rose Thorns, World Goodbye

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Hmm, I dunno I just feel like blogging right now….

My heart is bleeding, I wish I could make it stop. I finally got to know someone, let them past my walls and then she stabbed me. and every so often its like she enjoys twisting the knife.

I know I know she’s going through alot and she’s prolly scared and doesnt even realize how much shit she’s putting me through and honestly if she came back and apologized for this i’d be good and happy. or even if she came back and we could settle this friendship properly i’d still be content

But alas no…. My life is unable to do this. I cant go on like this. I ask God for one good reason not to put it away. Cuz I’m tired of this. I really tried. I really don’t want to give this up but I’m bloody hell tired of my heart getting shredded every time some one other than God is involved with it.

Aww bloody hell. FTS. i’m going to bed

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Alot, Bleeding Heart, Bloody Hell, Friendship, God, Good Reason, Heart, Twisting The Knife

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So its been a few yrs since i’ve written a poem of any breath except in my head. here it is

Tell me what you think

Breath in my body
life in my lungs
you alone sustain me

you alone captivate me
capture my heart oh lord
woo me into your presence

in your presence i bask
in your glory i dwell
you dwell within my heart

change my heart
change me
transform everything of me

shower me with
your grace
your mercy
your love
your light

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Body Life, Heart, Love, Lungs, Poem, Poems, Presence

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Where am I going? Who am I? What am I doing with my life? These are the questions that have plagued me as of late. My problem isn’t so much answering them as having the courage, fortitude, and willpower to move forward in them and the journey along the way. I am going wherever the Lord wants me to, and within that it leads me to become a Marine and later on become a sound tech. I am who the Lord wants me to be, able to be kind and gentle and caring for the most part yet also in times of need hard and unyielding to oppressors. I will stand up for the weak, for my friends, and for others in time of need. I am not defined by my job but I define my job by my actions. I am determined to be a man of prayer and action. Someone who is Godly in all his relationship. I am me. I am called to stand in the gap which means I will do whatever God has asked of me in that regard.

Now to put these ideas and words into action, ahh tbe beauty of fixing interpersonal problems. wish me luck ladies and gents

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Courage, Fortitude, Gap, God, Interpersonal Problems, Job, Journey, Ladies And Gents, Oppressors, Prayer, Regard, Relationship, Time Of Need, What Am I Doing With My Life, Willpower

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http://ninite.com/installer/46c2a7eded8c5fbeb3d81e03ce7a5a65f50abb9a

Chrome
Firefox
Digsby
Thunderbird
iTunes
VLC
K-Lite Codecs
Gimp
IrfanView
OpenOffice
Foxit Reader
AVG
Flash
Flash (IE)
Java
.Net
Silverlight
Dropbox
KeePass
ImgBurn
CCleaner
Defraggler
Revo
Launchy
7-Zip
WinRAR
FileZilla
Notepad++
Putty

Tagline: No toolbars or junk. No clicking Next. Just the apps you want, fast.

This is one the of the best items I found in a while. No sign up required — Works on Win7, Vista, or XP. Utilizes IE to download files in bg

http://ninite.com/installer/33018a2c530f9f1f88af336d1fe34e8e55dea7a3

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Apps, Bg, Flash Flash, Imgburn, Irfanview, Itunes, Notepad, Putty, Revo, Silverlight, Tagline, Thunderbird, Toolbars, Vlc

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So this past sunday i had a revelation about something that I havent thought about in a while. I called it the pain of remembrance.
I usually only encouter it after my heart has been dealt a blow or when I’m encountering hardships of any sort and I’ve been through similar circumstance or I allow myself to dwell on times better with what I’m going through.

I think my thoughts on it previously were mostly bittersweet. I understood I couldnt afford to forget but it was also too painful to think about it. so i pushed it to that far corner of my mind and didnt think about it.

Well now I realize that was NOT a good idea. lol. imagine that. The one thing I wrote down was this “The pain and sorrow of Remembrance is necessary and healing”
Now to most people this may be perfecly normal but to me its kinda new. My memory tends to block a lot of things and throws out important markers or buries them or various other things. Trust me its not fun. But for me to remember something is important but also especially if its painful. So thinking back on memories of a friend and the time spent together is good and pleasing but it has been tainted by what happened afterwards and how it could have been avoided by communication. the fact that it could have been avoided by something simple pains me so much. and so thus i dwell on it and absorb the pain and the sorrow caused by it and let the grief wash over me but it is healing and it ingrains in me the will to not let it happen again. but there is a darker side to it. and that is allowing to wallow in that grief and pain and to swear off all women entirely.

I was about ready to do this and follow the consequences willingly. When as I was telling God my plans and He was trying to convince me not to. A little boy couldnt be older than 5 or 6 walked by and touched my arm and looked at me and said hi. thats it just hi. It touched me so much. It reminded me of my niece and how much fun I have playing with her. And how as much as it hurts i cant allow this to ruin everything and that in spite of current circumstance i will still hold out hope for my friend to be my friend once again. there is that strength in a bond that has stayed together from a lot of crap.

Well thats it for me for today. I’ll post again in a few days prolly. its been interesting

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Consequences, Corner Of My Mind, Darker Side, Far Corner, God, Grief, Hardships, Heart, Memories, Memory, Niece, Pain And Sorrow, Remembrance, Revelation, Similar Circumstance

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So a while back my server got infected and i had to wipe my entire collection of blog posts. i’ve got them stored on my server but i’m not gonna spend 10hr restoring the darn things. so its best left alone.

For those that don’t know I moved back to Tucson from Knoxville sp I could be at home when I got my surgery done for my knee. Well I’ve been in town for 7 months and still dont have a steady job. I got fired from Sam Levitz for a massive pile of BS. So if anyone knows of a job opening give me a holler.

I found a awesome church, TACF, (http://tacfaz.org/) I have never felt more alive there. It has awakened in me something I feared I had lost. My warrior calling. It has reminded me of what I am called to.

Here I am. I stand ready to do what I need to.

(P.S. Please pray for my knee and that I have heard God’s voice correctly for His path for me . )

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: 7 Months, Bs, Entire Collection, God S Voice, Holler, Job Opening, Massive Pile, Sam Levitz, Steady Job

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I’m not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you dont try
I’m not afraid to fall
I might just learn to fly
And I will spread these wings of mine

If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If Iget up I might fall back down again
And I might fall back down again
And well just jump and see
Even if its the 20th time
We’ll just jump and see if we can fly

I’m not afraid to fall
And here I told you so
Don’t want to rock the boat
But I just had to know
Just a greener side
Or can I touch the sky
But either way I will try

If I get up I might fall abck down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
and I might fall abck down again
And we’ll just jump and see
Even if its the 30th time
We’ll just jump and see if we can fly

I’m not afraid to fall
I’ve fallen many times
They laughed when I fell down
But I dared to climb
I’m not afraid to fall
I know i’ll fall again
But I can win this in the end

If I get up I might fall back down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
and we’ll just jump and see
Even if its the 40th time
We’ll just jump and see if we can fly

If I get up I might fall back down again
so lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall abck down again
We get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So lets get up C’mon
If I get up I might fall down again
And I might fall back down again

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Fly, Sky, Wings

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Connor: How far are we gonna take this, Da?
Il Duce: The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?

This is a quote from Boondock Saints. I think this is fairly accurate however I want it to be noted that I think the better quote would be to go as far as is needed and no further.

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Boondock Saints, Constitution, Faith, Il Duce, Quotes

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Sometimes in life you realize how screwed up you are and other times you are completely oblivious to it. Back in June I moved from Tucson, AZ to Knoxville, TN. I love it out here, it is absolutely beautiful here. Since moving out here I have had a crappy job, it doesn’t pay well and I don’t like it, I got dumped, I don’t know how I pay for rent or pay my bills every month but somehow I have kept my head above water. I can only attest this to God’s provision, whenever I have needed someone to listen to me someone showed up. Whenever I needed money to pay for rent or bills or anything else it’s been there. My life has been a roller coaster ride lately and even though it’s felt like a living hell I have grown through it and wouldn’t trade it for anything. Right now I am finding out the difference between wants and needs. I desire to eat out and have my belly full, I need to eat. I want to have a decent car or go see a movie or…. and I have a car (it doesn’t move fast but it goes point A to point B) and most movies aren’t worth watching.

Posted in: Uncategorized by admin / Tags: Crappy Job, Decent Car, God, Head Above Water, Money, Provision, Roller Coaster, Tucson Az

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